“What do you so when your good isn’t good enough and all that you do tumbles down. Well my best intentions keep making a mess of things I wanna fit it somehow…how many times will it take for me to get it right?” This song has been speaking to my heart lately as sometimes that is exactly how I feel. So many times I felt like I am not good enough or all I do is make a mistake after mistake. And sometimes my best intentions truly do turn into messes. But then I look at Peter and how many times he failed Jesus yet Jesus never failed him or judged Him. In fact Jesus was the only one who could judge yet He loved Peter and helped him along his journey and Peter ended up turning the world upside down for the gospel. Truth of the matter is on this side of heaven we will never get it 100 percent right. But as we draw closer to the Lord He will make us more like Him! We will be 100% like Jesus when we see Him face to face!
To everyone who is reading this I have been called to be a missionary at a very young age. I have always allowed fear to hold me back. I hardly stepped out of my comfort zone and did what I only wanted to do. Then the Lord spoke to me and said that it is time yo TRUST HIM. It is time to let go of what I know and embrace what He has called me to do. Go where He has called me to go. No more relying on what Oksana knows best because my best always fails me. He NEVER fails me and He has never failed me yet. With that being said I have been called to go to a missions discipleship training school in Kona Hawaii called YWAM. I would take any prayers as well as your support. The whole cost of the school, which includes the classes, airfare, room and board, and also the ticket for my outreach program is $10,000. If any of you would like to donate and help me please contact me at 253-257-0785. Or any checks can be made out to: Oksana Ott P.O.Box 344 Graham Washington 98338 with the memo Oksana YWAM! Thank you and God bless!
13 years and nine months ago I got adopted out of the Ukraine and came to live in the beautiful home of my now parents in Ohio. However before I met them there was another family who took me in when I was helpless and opened their home up to me. At the age of seven I met them and they forever changed my life. Ella, the mom, took me in and showed me the love of Jesus. Her husband Andrey and their children Sasha, Artem, and Anya became the siblings I never had. They were my safe haven in a way. My grandma trusted them. However the saddest day of my life came when I had to go to an orphanage because my grandparents could not take care of me anymore and my biological mother lost all rights to me. Then at the age of 9 I got adopted and moved to America. I kept in touch with Ella for two years and then somehow we lost contact. However the love I felt for them and the longing to reconnect with them grew stronger. 13 years and 9 months later the Lord miraculously reconnected us back to each other. They told me they kept looking for me and finally a year ago found me on Facebook. I lived in Ohio. I went to a Christisn Recovery Program in Washington. They moved to Washington 8 years ago. By God’s divine providence we found each other. A week ago today they picked me up and I spent the whole weekend with them. Now I have two families again!! My God is truly a God of miracles!! Now my heart’s desire is to move close to them! Would you all pray for me please and allow God’s will to be done? Thank you so much!
I have recently been listening to Bethel’s song I am no victim and I love the line where it says that “I am no victim I live with a vision…He is my Father and I do not wonder if His plans for me are good If He will come through like He should cause He is provision.” I was born in the Ukraine to a broken and dysfunctional family where my biological mother was a drug addict and an alcoholic and a prostitute and I never knew my biological father. Growing up I very much had a victim mentality and I was afraid. At the age of 9 I was adopted into a Christian family and the Lord showed His love through them but I still had a love deficit. In college I acted out and partied and I would give my heart to any guy who seemed interested. My heart was broken over and over again and I did feel like a victim. I entered a Christian recovery program and it was there that God showed me His father heart and how I am truly no longer an orphan and I am not a victim. I am victorious in who He says he is. He is my good good Father and He has given me a vision to go to the world and share His love. I could use prayer in my next journey and support as I follow Him into the mission field and seek out his plans for my life!
So today I received some pretty hard news and I did not take it well. I cried and in my head blamed God. I wanted it to work so bad and now I feel like all my dreams are falling apart. I thought to myself God you carried me this far and now I’m being let go? Why Now? Why God did you lead me in this journey only to watch it all go? Why did I invest so much time on all of this only to watch my dream die? And why especially Now? I was so mad at Him and I was so mad at myself because I didn’t have boundaries. I let myself down. Then the Lord spoke to me through the Casting Crowns song “My child if you only knew all the plans that I have for you…so come on let me dream for you.” His plans are higher and wiser and so much better than mine. I once heard someone tell me that a setback is a setup for God to do something great in your life. At the time I believed it because life was going great. But at this particular moment all I feel is pain. Will I measure up? Will I ever truly finish something and be successful? I became my own worst enemy and ended up having a pity party. But God is still in control even when it doesn’t make sense. At my worst He is still the best. In my weakness He is strong. He still loves me and has great dreams for me. I have to let my dreams die in order for His to take root. Breakthrough will happen and His dreams for my life will begin to take place. I will praise Him in the middle of it. When it doesn’t make sense I will yet praise.
As I sit inside looking out the window I hear the raindrops and see the pouring rain the Holy Spirit reminds me to praise even in the storm. These last few days have been tough for me emotionally as I have taken on a new position and I have felt incapable. How can I help the women the Lord and my leaders entrusted me with when I’m a mess myself? Then the Lord reminded me of King Josiah and how he became king at the age of 8. He put me here because He knows I can do it. But not on my own strength. I can do it in His strength. The rain makes the grass greener and makes everything grow. The Lord is saying that I am in a season of growing. Although it might be painful He is by my side. It’s okay to not be okay because He has equipped me and is preparing me for something greater. I now know that today I am where I am supposed to be and here is where I can thrive and seek the Lord. Rain brings healing. So let it rain!